MFing Triathlon

With only one month left to train for the big event, I started to get nervous that my legs wouldn't carry me through all three grueling segments in succession. I mean, obviously I am a machine of incredible athletic prowess and steel will, but it's always good to get some extra insurance with those big purchases. So I decided that on Saturday I would host my own little suburban salute to the triathlon by competing (against myself) in a 25 mile bike, 6 mile run, and 1 mile swim here in Livingston. It was roughly the same distance that will be covered next month, and the only real differences were that my transition stages were downstairs at my in-laws and my swim was in the pool at NYSC (which in all truth is probably more disgusting than the Hudson). I completed the "MFing Triathlon" in a little under 4 hours (including changes) and am happy to report that I did not have to stop once to throw up or ask someone for a ride back home . . .

I would like to thank the following for making this victory possible:

To the drivers of Livingston NJ, without your recklessness and road rage I would never have been compelled to peddle my short legs so fast if not for the fear of you killing me on the way to an Ed Hardy sale. Oh, and to the soccer mom with too much face work and leathery skin driving the Lexus that almost side swiped me on the corner of Livingston Ave. and Northfield, I got your plate number.

I would also like to wish little Stephen a Happy 6th Birthday . . . I would like to say it was a pleasure sharing the NYSC swim pool with you and 15 of your closest friends yesterday afternoon, but alas it was not. Due to what I can only assume was a group effort to see how much urine you guys could seep into the pool, the temperature was uncomfortably warm. How about Chuck-e-Cheeses next year?

To the group of 13 year old boys who refused to give me free lemonade (when it was advertised as "free lemonade"), I would like to say 1) You are too old to be selling lemonade anyway you little creeps and 2) I hope you never get laid.

Finally, I would like to extend my warmest gratitude to the world's best husband for serving as my coach and assistant during yesterday's festivities. No one pulls of cheerleading from the couch like he does, and even though he ate the last piece of chicken breast I was saving for after the workout, he redeemed himself by ponying up for sushi last night.

Onward to New York!