Top 5 Reasons I Don't Want to Go to Swim Practice
1. Chlorine does not taste good.
2. It forces me to wax areas that I would normally put off for a while . . .
3. We have to swim for a long time . . . a really long time.
4. My swimsuit makes my boobs look smaller than Esha's.
5. It's a two hour drive to the pool (I am not kidding).
6. I look like a sperm in my swim cap.
7. I miss Modern Family.
8. Did I say "Top 5 Reasons?" I told you, I really don't like going to swim practice.
Top 5 Reasons I Go Anyway
1. I said I would.
2. It gives me something to bitch about later.
3. I would prefer not to drift out with the tide in the Hudson.
4. It gives me something to bitch about later.
5. You guys can come up with the 5th one because I'm stuck at 4. . .
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